Red-Hot Lover Read online

  “Zee. You’re here now, here to stay. No regrets?”

  She leaned back against the hard planes of his body, soaking up his warmth. Saul might be mortal, but she felt protected, safe with him, as she’d never felt with anyone else. Not even Steele. She twisted in his arms and looked up with a smile. “No regrets.”

  His stare glittered, hungry and possessive. His head dipped and his mouth covered hers in a brief, hard kiss that left her wanting more. But then he pulled away and said, “Let’s get this house tour over and done with, hmm?”

  She nodded, too choked up with emotion to give a coherent answer.

  They went up the rounded flight of stairs and he showed her the airy guest room with its en suite, the modern home office with all the technology a person could want and the main bedroom with its huge four-poster bed and deep spa with views over the valley. Then they went through a sliding door to a balcony and she followed him up a dozen concrete steps to the helipad at the top of the building.

  “Research indicates there are obstruction updrafts here generated by the surrounding mountains.” He slid an arm around her and tugged her close. “Perfect for my woman. And on hot days, there are fierce thermal currents too.”

  Her spine tingled and itched with the need to shift and set her wings free as she stepped forward, out of his embrace and close to the railed enclosure. The green vista gleamed olive yellow under the sun’s dying glare, where endless trees spread out as far as the eye could see.

  She sucked in the fresh air. “You’ve thought of everything.”

  “Zee, I’d give you the world if only I could.”

  She closed her eyes. Her breath stilled. Her fingers curled around the rail and squeezed tightly. Oh, Saul. You wouldn’t say that if you knew the truth.

  And just like that, with emotional anguish tearing through her veins, pulsing with her every heartbeat, the spark of momentum to change into gargoyle became an unstoppable force that, this once, she couldn’t control.

  “You’ve done that and more,” she croaked. She swung around, revealing the red haze of her vision, the physical signs she was about to shift—like it or not.

  “Zee?”

  Even had she wanted to she couldn’t have answered his alarmed query.

  Her throat arched. She snapped her eyes shut once again, focusing on the change, pushing through the pain. She wasn’t a shapeshifter in the truest sense of the word, but her bones still had to soften and elongate. Her spine had to thicken and move, counterbalancing the massive wings that tore through her skin like twin daggers.

  She bent over, panting, her blouse a tattered mess at her feet. But the tears rolling down her face had little to do with the terrible pain she’d endured. It was worse, much worse. “Saul, I’m so sorry,” she gritted, despairing. “I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t stop the change.”

  I should have though. I should have stopped it. Just like I should have stopped the man from forcing me to submit.

  “Zee.” He was beside her in an instant, his hands on her shoulders. “Please, don’t be sorry. This is what I wanted for you, why I built this house. You can be a gargoyle whenever you want here without being afraid someone will see.”

  She managed to nod and yet still the sobs came, a panic attack that was as unstoppable as her shift into gargoyle. Her wings wrapped almost involuntarily around her naked torso, her denim jeans her only covering. “You can’t love me like this.” She shook her head, backing away, out of his grasp. ”I’m not human. I’m not like you.”

  “Zee, look at me.” He followed, tucking a firm hand beneath her chin and lifting her gaze to his determined one. “I love you in any form.”

  “No!” Denial spilled from her lips, urgent, panicked. “You just don’t see, do you? You can’t love me.”

  No one can.

  His eyes narrowed, as though seeing her, really seeing her for the first time. She took another step back, so very afraid now, but he caught her close, keeping her still. “It’s not who you are that worries you, is it?” He studied her, his eyes shrewd. “Zee, what happened to you?”

  Chapter Seven

  Fear. Hate. Shame. Guilt. All those emotions and more that she’d carried around for so long crowded within, filling her soul with their toxins.

  Blood pounded in her temples. She wanted to lash out, to hurt someone. Her hands curled into fists. “Leave me alone!”

  Most of all she wanted to take away all the pain festering inside.

  She sank to the concrete floor. Saul moved and sat beside her, his arms closing around her wings that enveloped her torso as tears streamed down her face and great choking sobs racked her body. Crooning sweet nothings into her ear, he stayed with her as she purged just a little of the hateful emotions held too long within.

  She had no idea how long she remained folded in his protective embrace before her sobs finally subsided. She knew only that she felt lighter, as if the heavy mud clogging the underside of a favorite pair of boots had been kicked free.

  She breathed in his maleness, reassured somehow by his familiar scent, which was much more pronounced while in her gargoyle form. Taking another deep, shuddering breath, she pulled back from him to look him in the eyes. “Saul, I…I was raped.”

  She expected helpless rage, even shocked denial. Certainly not the compassion and love that emanated from him in waves as he croaked, “A human?”

  She jerked out a nod. “Yes.”

  A muscle in his jaw tightened. He smoothed a gentle hand over her head. “Pascal?”

  “Is the result.” And the only good to come out of an impossibly terrible situation.

  “I see.” His mouth white at the corners, his jaw taut with strain, he asked, “And Pascal’s biological father?”

  “He was…taken care of.” She swallowed, trying not to let another round of guilt consume her. “Gargoyle law forbade he live.”

  He jerked out a nod. “Good.”

  Of course Saul would say that. He’d probably have exacted the same brand of justice, only slower and more painful.

  He shifted position and cupped her face, his dark eyes searching, gentle. “You know this doesn’t change anything between us, don’t you?”

  She bit her bottom lip. “You say that now…”

  He pressed a tender kiss to her mouth. “What happened to you wasn’t your fault. He—the human—was a hundred percent culpable. Not you.”

  “Yes.” Her voice quivered. “I know that.”

  His eyes glittering, he took hold of one of her hands and pressed it into a fist. Guiding her hand upward, he held it over her heart. “Then believe it too.”

  She let out a sigh. “You’re right. He might be dead, but he’s already won if I don’t believe in myself, in the truth.”

  He nodded, satisfied for the moment. Then he pulled back abruptly, stiffening as he muttered hoarsely, “Bloody hell, Zee. That’s why you left me, isn’t it? You thought you’d get hurt again.”

  A rush of dizziness assailed her. She shook her head. “No—”

  “You couldn’t bring yourself to trust me, a man—a human. You ran away before I could hurt you too.”

  “That’s not true!”And yet even as she denied it, deep down she comprehended it had been a factor. Yes, she loved the freedom of the skies, but the fear, guilt and mistrust within had eaten away at her, leaving her internally scarred with doubts and low self-worth. With shame.

  “Maybe you just didn’t see it at the time?”

  She swallowed, hurting inside. “Maybe… I just… I don’t know, I—” she hiccupped loudly.

  They looked at each other. The next moment they burst into laughter, the taut emotions of before instantly receding.

  Saul reached out and played with a lock of her long hair. “You know, when you left me I took a good, hard look at myself. I knew unless I wanted to continue living without a conscience I had to make some serious changes to my life, had to become the man I was when I was with you.”

  She tilted her head
to the side, hesitant. “I’m not sure I follow.”

  “Zee, though my reputation has been next to impossible to shake, I’m no longer the same man people loathe and fear. My business dealings have been legitimate for years now.”

  Her hair slid through his fingers before he captured her hand. “I’ve kept on with your favorite charities, done my utmost to compensate for my past.” His open expression revealed quiet pride. “My donations are no longer tainted.”

  She could scarcely comprehend all he’d done. Her throat thickened and she wondered if he had any idea that she loved him all the more for it. “But what about your men, what about Lewie?”

  He nodded. “I’ve kept most of them on—those who could be trusted. And though they’re rough around the edges, on the whole they’re relieved to be on the straight and narrow.” His brow furrowed. “Lewie may be the exception.”

  She leaned toward him. “You know, I think you just might have made me the happiest woman alive.”

  He pressed a kiss onto her scalp. “I think I just might be the happiest man alive.”

  She closed her eyes, sighing with bliss as his arms closed around her. His outspread fingers stroked the leathery skin of her wings. “I built this house with your love of flying in mind. But I’m betting you’d prefer to sleep under the stars too.”

  Her eyelids flicked open. The sun was sinking low on the far, mountainous horizon. A light breeze brushed over her skin, an autumn chill descending with the first velvet kiss of night.

  She looked up at him, filled with tender love. “Must we sleep?”

  * * * * *

  Zahlee smiled at Saul as he parked the SUV beside the casino’s entrance doors. There had never been a time she’d worshipped him more. Their renewed love for one another made her whole. Complete.

  The only crack in an otherwise perfect existence was her son’s absence in her life.

  What she wouldn’t do to be reunited with him, to tell him how much she loved him. To hold him in her arms as a mother should.

  Saul moved around the vehicle and opened the passenger door. Her smile wobbled a little as she placed her hand in his and stepped out onto the warm pavement, midafternoon shadows just beginning to cast shade.

  His eyes narrowed a touch, his clasp tightening as he pulled her closer still. “Is everything okay?”

  Time ceased to exist. She stared up at him, her heart squeezing with emotion. “I’ve never been happier.”

  “But?” he prompted.

  She shivered. Saul always had known her all too well. “I miss my son.” She swept a hand out to envelop the casino. “Being here, knowing this is what helped to shape him as a person, I feel both the connection and loss even more.”

  He took her into his arms, his voice muffled against her scalp. “I understand. I miss him too.”

  The ache built within. Saul had loved Pascal like a son, she’d known that in the short time she’d been with Saul all those years ago. Her son’s absence would be hurting him too, their grief was shared.

  She drew back, her misty vision making her aware of the valet waiting discreetly nearby.

  Saul released a heavy breath and nodded to the young, uniformed man before handing him the car keys. Then taking her hand, he led her through the revolving front doors of the casino.

  “I wanted to give you the world. Obviously being reunited with your son is your world.”

  Her throat thickened. The pings and whirls of the slot machines were loud background noise as she rested her head against his arm with a sigh. “You were right about what you said the other day about me wanting my cake and eating it too. But it’s just not likely. I’m only grateful I’ve got you, that I’m here with you.”

  His arm tightened around her just as her senses screamed alarm. She straightened, wide-eyed and alert. Saul stopped beside her, his narrowed stare scanning the vicinity.

  “Steele,” she whispered.

  He strode toward them, tall, proud and regal. He looked amazing decked out in a fitted suit she knew he’d hate though he’d worn them in a long-ago past when he’d had no choice but to remain in his human form. He’d worked tirelessly to become a successful businessman, buying the twenty-thousand-acre mountainous land to save the dwindling gargoyle population.

  Steele’s nostrils flared, his eyes narrowing at the sight of her with Saul. His attention moved back to her when he came to a standstill before them. “Zahlee, we need to talk.”

  The room spun for a couple of seconds and she was all too thankful of the security of Saul’s hold as she croaked, “Pascal…is he all right?”

  Steele nodded. “Yes. He’s fine.”

  Her pulse steadied. “Thank god,” she breathed.

  Steele’s long, glossy black hair seemed to shimmer beneath the chandelier and dozens of downlights as he took another step toward her, his stare hardening. “Your son wants to see you.”

  Hope flared within, churning excitement bubbling deep in her belly. “He does?” Of course he does, why else would he have returned to the Triskellon clan? She chewed her bottom lip as she turned to her mute, unreadable lover. “Saul?”

  “Go.”

  She frowned, indecisive, her emotions seesawing off the charts. Her belly cramped as a new fear took hold. “I’m not going anywhere. Not without you!” she said with a wild sob. “There must be another way. “Pascal…he…he can come here!”

  Saul released her and stepped aside. “It’s what you wanted. You can have your son back now. Your freedom.” His stare hardened fractionally. “Your lover.”

  She shook her head, at a loss. “No! He’s not my lover. Not anymore.”

  “Then he will be again,” Saul stated flatly.

  Hurt pressed in on her temples. Her head pounded. “Why are you doing this?”

  “I was wrong to think we could be together,” Saul rasped. “You don’t belong with me. You never have.” As though unable to help himself, he reached out, trailing the back of his hand along her cheekbone, his eyes drinking her in as though he wanted to memorize her every detail. He dropped his hand. “Goodbye, Zee.”

  Her heart plummeted like a stone at his resolute expression. And when he spun on his heel and strode away, something deep inside her broke down.

  She deserved nothing less than him walking away from her, nothing less than the agony of heartbreak, of loss. Nothing less than what he’d experienced with her, once already.

  But she knew without a doubt that his intention wasn’t to hurt her. He wanted her to be free, happy and reunited with her son. He wanted her to be at peace.

  She had to go after him, make him see reason. Beg him to let her stay if need be. Not having him in her life would be no life at all.

  Together they’d find Pascal. Somehow she had to believe that.

  She stepped after him. Steele’s large hands closed over her shoulders, holding her still. “I want you back.” He dismissed Saul’s retreating form with a curled lip. “There’s nothing here for you now.”

  She turned to him, her eyes burning with unshed tears. “Saul is my everything. I’m not leaving him.”

  Steele’s eyes narrowed. “Not even for your son?” At her pained gasp he added, “Make no mistake, if you go after Saul I will leave. And I’ll make sure you’ll never see Pascal again.”

  Her eyes widened. “But you said—”

  He pressed a finger against her mouth. “I know what I said. Unfortunately my honor has no place here. I’ll do whatever it takes to bring you back to the clan. Do whatever I have to, to reclaim what’s mine.”

  I was never yours!

  How had she ever trusted Steele to keep his word, to honor his own decree? Tears poured down her cheeks at his betrayal, but even more fell for Saul. Right then her heart felt about to break, her soul torn right down the middle, exposing her powerlessness for all to see.

  She couldn’t leave the man she loved. She couldn’t turn her back on her precious son.

  Unrelenting numbness stole over her body, a sens
e of aloneness and isolation taking hold. She drew in a shuddering breath. “I’ll go.”

  I don’t have a choice.

  In a daze she allowed Steele to escort her from the casino and outside to a waiting car.

  How ironic. For the second time, she was leaving all her clothes, her memories, her everything behind. No. Not my memories. I’ll always have them. They will be all I’ll have to sustain me.

  Steele pulled her close to his side as he opened the passenger door, his arm closing around her. She didn’t resist. She was void of emotion, of feeling.

  “You’ve done the right thing,” he murmured. “I knew from the moment you left I’d made the biggest mistake of my life, making you leave.” She didn’t answer. Couldn’t. And she felt his frown as he added, “Pascal is looking forward to seeing you again.”

  She slid into the back seat showing no outward sign of hearing him, aware only of a searing need to see her son. A yearning that was counteracted by the devastation of leaving Saul.

  Steele settled into the backseat beside her. The chauffeur accelerated and the car rolled forward, even as tears rolled down her face.

  She felt Steele’s gaze on her, silent and contemplative. “You really love Saul?” he asked roughly.

  She sucked in a wobbly breath. She couldn’t blame him for questioning her love, not when she’d abandoned the two people she loved most in the world. “I do.”

  I really, really do.

  “A muscle in his jaw flickered as he grated, “Sometimes the greatest sacrifice is the ultimate show of love.”

  She swiped at her eyes, angry now. “Pretty words won’t make the pain go away.”

  He nodded, staring ahead. Silence filled the car, a contemplative mood that lasted a good few hours. But despite her heartache, the familiar landmarks of the inland wilderness called to her soul, spoke in soothing notes like a long-lost friend.

  The chauffeur looked into the rearview mirror and cleared his throat. “Sir, I think someone is tailing us.”

  Zahlee’s pulse jumped as Steele twisted in his seat with a frown, peering through the back windshield. “It’s one of Saul’s men.” He turned back, one of his black eyebrows raised in sardonic amusement. “We’ll lose them soon enough.”